I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we're so committed to being not committed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
