trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
