She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
In America we eat man semen.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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