he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
