How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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