I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
