no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
