Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
