my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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