I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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