He asked me if I "almost moaned"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
