I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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