why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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