I think scott just propositioned me for sex
oh god the rape fog is back!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
