I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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