You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
