I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
