Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
