Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
