Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
