She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize