wrigley field is MILF paradise
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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