You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
