cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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