Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
