yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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