Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
