remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't put those talents on a resume
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
