Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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