You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
