I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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