Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
