We won't sleep together?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
