True but thats because hes a fetus.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
