I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I love you. Go after that dick
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