I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize