I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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