Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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