Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am mentally ready for anal.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
