Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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