my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
