I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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