I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
