If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
