I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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