I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
