Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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