Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
