well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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