I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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