They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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