My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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