a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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