i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Drunk is not a location!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
