If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
