I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Vodka?
Forever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
