Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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