why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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