I wish I could teleport
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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